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One of my college classes requires that I write a summary on each book of the Bible. It's intense, but sooo good!

This morning at about 2:30 am I finished one book, and got to the book of Hosea. I started to write my summary, the song above started playing, and I ended up meeting with God instead of doing homework. The first three chapters amazed me yet again. The symbolism and parallels are so true... Watch this:

Chapter 1 - Hosea the prophet is commanded by the Lord to find a wife who will be adulterous. All to often we make our commitment to God, then run around being completely unfaithful to Him.
Chapter 2 - Gomer runs away from Hosea, and it is prophesied that the Lord will completely ruin her and bring her to the point of breaking - but it doesn't end there. 2:14 begins to tell of the restoration promised. So many times I have run from God - and He has been faithful to tear me down... but is always planning to restore.
Chapter 3 - Hosea is commanded to go buy back his own wife and "Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the LORD loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods" (v1). Hosea buys back his adulterous wife. This is also known as redeeming. Jesus redeems the earth.

I look back on the times I have committed adultery against God, chasing after things that He hates. I have been the adulterer - I have been redeemed - and I can't begin to understand the love of the Lord.

But I kinda like that....

His friend Lazarus had died. And so He wept.

Yesterday was one of the hardest days I have had in a long time, for many reasons. It culminated at a sudden deeper understanding of something I have known for a long time. It is always interesting when you see something in a new light, on a deeper level. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.*

Last night I wept. I don't mean I got emotionally overwhelmed for a minute and started to tear up and had a sniffle from a cold I already had. I mean I wept. I'm talking uncontrollable, can't see a thing, nose running unstoppable weeping. Why? Because of my deeper understanding. Jesus died for me. Amidst one of the worst times I'd faced in a while I was reminded. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.*

As I thought on this, my weeping grew. I saw Jesus beaten and bloodied, carrying His cross. I heard myself start to say, 'No' under my breath. I saw Him on top of the hill, before being nailed to the cross, dutifully and obediently and lovingly clinging to the instrument of his suffering. I saw the nails pierce Him and began protesting violently. I couldn't let Him die for me. I was yelling for Him to stop, not to do it, I didn't deserve it. As I demanded Him to stop, I heard Him begin to tell me 'No'. I didn't know what to do. I sat in frustration, sadness, helplessness, indignation and fear as He died. And so I wept.

The entire time I saw the determination of the Christ. As much as I wished for Him not to take my punishment - He did. He didn't deserve it, but He took it. God took one of my lowest moments in the last few months to get my full attention and teach me yet again.

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.*

*John 11:35, John 15:13, Rom 5:8

This past weekend was the Fasting LTE. I got convicted...

So for me it was the "Manual Labor With No Food to Replenish My Energy" LTE. Yeah. I won't go into all the details of it, but there was much physical labor that the Lord had me do this weekend. The sad thing is - I fully believe that there are other things the Lord had for me to learn this weekend than the things he taught me. But I wasn't ready for that. I was only ready for myself. The tasks I did I started under my own will, but they quickly turned to "this is what you wanted to do, so do it - and keep doing it until I say stop."

I work under my own power too much. So often I will ask the Lord to approve my plans rather than patiently waiting to hear what His are. I start my projects and get so deep in them that I miss what the Lord has for me. I have been doing that so much recently. I've caught sight of what He has for me, and I'm trying to go about my way to get it. I need to relearn to be still and wait. He will bring what is desired at the right time. I must learn to trust this. It is hard.

My heart is hard as well. And I've built a wall around it. I don't know how it got there. But I've been trying unsuccessfully to tear it down myself for a while now. I can't do it on my own. Again, I realized this during the retreat.
As I stared at my work when completed, a small still voice rang in my head. "You got a lot done. But there is still so much more to do. You can't do it. You're not completely out of strength - but it is failing fast and you know it. Don't let your strength completely fail you. Stop doing this and turn it over to me. Quickly. Please."

"................"

...i guess i'm never done learning. this is a good thing.